In Which I Meet Figbash, Among Others

Have you ever been alone in a particularly historic area? It can be a somewhat eerie experience– especially if such artifacts as human skulls and original artwork from The Gashlycrumb Tinies are around.

I spent the majority of my day today at the Edward Gorey House. Thanks to my volunteer job there, I can go almost anywhere in the house, including the off-limits upstairs. (Fandom secret: it’s essentially an office.) Even doing such a mundane task as paperwork becomes interesting when it’s done in the Gorey House. Paraphernalia related to the late writer and artist abounds throughout the museum–everything from his collecting of Beanie Babies to one of his signature raccoon fur coats. I was mildly interested in Gorey before I started working at the House; The Gashlycrumb Tinies is one of my favorite books. I’ve always loved how the more macabre elements of his work walk the line between the playfully ironic and the genuine. According to a newspaper article on display at the museum, Tim Burton and Lemony Snicket, the latter having visited the museum in 2006, are among today’s creative minds heavily influenced by Gorey’s work.

But the more time I spend at the House, the more fascinated I become with Gorey as both an artist and a personality. I knew that Gorey had worked on the animated introduction to WGBH’s Masterpiece Mystery series, but I had no idea

Figbash forms an “R”

that he’d won a Tony Award for costume design in the musical “Dracula.” Apparently, Gorey was miffed that he hadn’t won for Set Design, having lost to a musical featuring a working locomotive on stage. I learned that Gorey was an avid collector and enjoyed going to yard sales in his VW Bug, the license plate of which reading “OGDRED.” This was derived from one of Gorey’s preferred pseudonyms, Ogdred Weary.

Figbash is an interesting recurring theme throughout the house. I suppose youcould call Figbash a stuffed animal, but he doesn’t look like any animal you’d recognize. Gorey stitched Figbash and stuffed him with Uncle Ben’s rice while watching television, one of his favorite pass-times. This particular creation was a favorite of Gorey’s because his arms, legs, and head can be arranged to form any letter of the alphabet.

What works of Gorey have you read, if any? Any eerie (or not) tales of authors or their museums you’d be inclined to share?

America’s Next Top Author (and other fantasy programs for book lovers)

Think about it: in the realm of American TV, we have reality contest shows for just about everything, whether it’s cooking, modeling, singing, or navigating ridiculous obstacle courses and falling into giant tubs of mud and/or shaving cream. And that’s not even mentioning the realm of non-competitive reality programming à la the Kardashians. Here’s my question–why don’t we have anything for writing? My solution is “America’s Next Top Author.”

Cue the dramatic soundtrack, and let’s get started. We meet our twelve contestants, each and every one burning with the desire to be a published author. There are a few really intelligent and likable ones, a few with completely overblown senses of their own skills, a nasty one (because we all know there has to be someone for viewers to gripe about and say, “Why don’t they get rid of him/her?”), the wide-eyed, innocent one straight out of school, and a tattooed black sheep or two with avant-garde sensibilities who will grow on judges and viewers alike.

Each week our contestants face challenges designed to test their abilities to market, give readings, pitch to agents, and, above all, write a novel that will sell. This week they have to keep the attention of an auditorium full of sugar-loaded middle schoolers! Now you have to rewrite your novel by dictating to an assistant while working out to maintain that fit figure for the upcoming talk show! The panel of judges will comprise top editors, agents, and authors from all over the country. There’ll be special surprise guest judges for theme challenges–Dave Barry can make an appearance on Humor Week and keep everyone laughing with off-the-cuff shoot-’em-downs, probably at the expense of the contestants.

“Behind-the-scenes” looks at what life is like for the hopefuls outside of regular filming will feature late-night arguments and the contestants sitting pensively at their word processors. The nasty one, who has to hold on until the third-to-last week at least for drama’s sake, can delete pieces from fellow contestants’ PCs, trying his or her hardest not to make it look as if it were staged (which, of course, it is). Later, the victims can cry and call home and act like they didn’t know it was coming as the perpetrator looks on smugly. Viewers will clutch at their TV dinner trays in utter horror.

When the final contestant is crowned America’s Next Top Author (there can only be one winner…), he or she will receive the ultimate prize: a book deal with a major New York publishing house, a personal agent for the rest of his or her publishing days, a fifteen-city book tour, $10,000, and a movie contract. The other hopefuls can make a cameo appearance in the final scenes showing off the winner’s new fame and fortune as assistants and housekeepers.

Heck, if we have “America’s Next Top Author,” why not have a whole channel of programming for the bibliophile in all of us? How does “The Book Network” sound? (Well, if there’s a food channel…) Here are some ideas for other shows designed to boost ratings and sell advertisements for cars, Pop Tarts, and anti-aging cream:

• “The House”: a sitcom featuring life working at a major publishing house. The antics of dim-witted coworkers, inter-house rights disputes, and submissions of bad romance novels will induce the laugh track.
• “Keeping Up with the Big Names”: a reality program showcasing what it’s like to be a billionaire bestselling author. The film crew might have to hire the swarms of paparazzi depending on the actual fame of authors bribed to appear.
• “16 and Published”: an ongoing dramatic documentary on the life of teen authors. Will being an author interfere with the literary teens’ school and social lives? Is it considered libel and slander to portray acquaintances unflatteringly as characters in novels?
• “Extreme Write-Over”: a select group of wannabe novelists whose manuscripts are frankly terrible go to an extreme writing boot camp and learn how to improve their works. There’ll be plenty of close-ups of the trainees in tears as the trainers bark orders–amid much bleeped-out cussing– and tear the works in progress to figurative pieces.
• “True Books”: a group of ordinary people discover that they are the reincarnations of late and great authors in this hugely convoluted fantasy series. The characters fight for the right to use the storylines of their past selves in novels as they come together in epic clashes between the good authors of light  and the demon editors.
• “Creative Writing”: a teen-oriented drama series following the lives of the members of a high school creative writing club. Stereotypical characters, torrid love triangles, and declaimed interpretations of well-known works of literature are staples of the show.

There’ll also be a live news hour featuring the latest in the world of books, from debut authors and book tours to famous book blogs shutting down and book store chains going bankrupt. We’ll be in need of newscasters who can do the “mildly concerned” look.

Hey, I’d tune in to a “Book Network.” I’m tired of watching folks discuss literature on the local access channel to get my bookish kicks over the airwaves, and it can’t be much worse than everything else on TV these days.

**EDIT: 8/12/2011: For the love of Shakespeare! I’ve been Freshly Pressed! Thank you, one and all, for your wonderful comments, likes, and subscriptions. As much as I would love to respond to every comment, I’d be sitting here all day if I did. So, suffice it to say that I’m here at my computer grinning like an idiot and tearing up like the mother of the bride at a wedding. Thank you.**

Weekly Geeks 2010-09

Time for another Weekly Geeks post! This week, we’re asked to answer a few questions about authors. Are we more interested in the books themselves or the author? Do we read the blogs/websites of any authors? Do we find author interviews interesting? These are a sampling of the questions, and I’ll do my best to answer them.

Usually, I’m more interested in the books than the author. Unless the author has a really interesting or inspiring backround, I usually don’t care much.If the book is good, I’ll read it, regardless of the author.

Because of this, I don’t tend to read many author’s blogs, but, for a while, I frequently checked Shannon Hale’s site. I still look at it occasionally, but not as often as I used to.

Overall, I’m just not all that interested in author’s backrounds. For me, it’s the book itself that counts.

Weekly Geeks 2010-07

It’s time for another Weekly Geeks response! This week, we’re asked to talk comments. Do we moderate? How do we deal with spam? Have we ever gotten a comment from an author? Here are my answers…

My #1 way to keep comments safe and relatively friendly on this blog is moderation. Every comment, even from previously approved commentors, is held in line and must be approved by the administrator (AKA me) before displaying. Sometimes it’s a bother, but I feel safer that way. I’ve never gotten an outright rude or insulting comment, but I would certainly delete said comment if it did happen! If a comment is just subtly snide, I’ll just let it go.

I’m lucky in the fact that I don’t have to worry much about spam. WordPress.com,  my hosting service, provides Akismet spam protection service for free. I can review the possible spam caught and decide what to do with it.

Once I did get a comment from an author: Rachel Vincent, author of the Soul Screamers series, among others, on this post, in which I talked about the new line of books for teens, Harlequin Teen. You can see her comment and my response for yourself, but I was slightly embarrassed that, on top of my having spoken rather disparagingly of her books and similar, I had published some incorrect information on the subject. I would welcome other author comments, but they would certainly make me feel a bit self-conscious!